February 2015 Blog Archives


February 27, 2015


Land Ho!


Okay, not actually land, but I just realized the first day of spring is March 20th!  That's 21 days from now and we can do that.....right?  No, I'm not crazy enough to think the weather won't be cold anymore, but the sun could make an appearance and after spring is summer, so relief is on the horizon......  Work with me here, I'm giving it all I've got! 


I went to Fort Wayne this past week to have a personal tour by my artist friend, Sayaka Ganz, of her exhibit at the Botanical Gardens.  It was incredible, because she is, but also because everything was green and blooming inside!  It was a major picker upper.  Please check out her work at www.sayakaganz.com for a breath of fresh air.  And if you live in or near Fort Wayne, Indiana, get over there and check it out!


This weekend, I hope you have sun on your face, warmth in your heart, and a spring in your step.  



February 26, 2015


Will someone in the south please hire my husband?


Winter is getting to me.  With two months, if we're lucky, left to go, I am ready to throw it all to the wind and leave for warmer and greener spots.  I think if you don't know they exist, you are better off.  Some people I know in Michigan have never been farther south than Indianapolis...... Whereas, I can hear Texas, Florida, Georgia, Oklahoma, California, and North Carolina calling my name.  Lynn McWilliams!  Come on down!  If only I could.......


I talked to someone from the upper peninsula in Michigan recently and they informed me the weather was mild here compared to there...... Whatever!  I still want to go south......  I can make a great argument for why I never should have come this far to begin with.... really, it's compelling!  


All you lucky people down there who are wearing coats because it's 68 degrees, please send warm thoughts my way.  Maybe it will melt this polar ice cap sooner and save my poor southern soul.  All this white is driving me crazy!  I miss you all!  Yes, and especially your weather......



February 25, 2015


When nasty comes knocking on your door.......


A really close person to us called to say she and her husband of 20 years were getting a divorce.  Oh those are sad moments!  Even when you see them coming (hello, I'm intuitive!), it's still hard for the reality to take place.  And where do you fit in?  Immediately there is a sense of whose side are you on?  When just moments before you were on both sides......  


It's pretty obvious in times like these that coming back to normal won't happen anytime soon.  The process of divorce is a tedious one and watching people wade through the mire of what's yours and what's mine is wrenching.  Especially when you know that the material things are not what they really care about.  And then there are the children.  That's the part that is most difficult for me.  I know that you can't put a pretty bow on divorce for the children and think it will all be okay.  My heart goes out to them.


Having weathered a good bit of marriage myself, I know there are ups and downs.  I know there is so much to learn.  And I know we are all usually poorly equipped for the ride.  At best, we are working our marriages based on what we know, often mirrored from what we saw with our own parents.  So, sometimes counseling can help and sometimes, it's just over.


If we sent gifts for divorce like we do for marriage, I would send kindness by the truck loads.  And I would hope it would be enough to matter in the long run.


February 24, 2015


The first big sale......


My son just sold last years skis, boots, and bag.  He brokered his own deal, with some parental advice, and made the exchange.  He was so stressed out!  He wanted to know:  Did I charge the right price?  He's my friend, should I have sold it to him at all?  What if he doesn't like it?  What if he falls and breaks a leg?  


It was hard to watch and yet, it was exactly the type of lesson you want him to have.  He is now $70 richer from something we spent well over $300 for just over a year ago.  Que Sera!  Life has a way of teaching us, even when we aren't looking for a lesson.


Negotiating is hard, especially when the person you are dealing with is a friend.  I think he made a good deal and barring any crazy accidents, next time they are on the slopes, I hope he realizes it, too.


May all your deals be good ones today!


February 23, 2015


I am happy about new beginnings.....really I am.....


This week we are doing orientation visits to the high school.  If any of you are struggling with an empty nest, then you know this is the beginning of the process.  Over the last two years, we've worked through separation, independence, and how to assert yourself in a changing world.  This week, I begin to truly realize that our sons smiling face won't always be within easy reach.  I am struggling to be sure.


I remind myself that this is what I've been headed for all along, this step toward his independence, and bright future, but that is little consolation with the prospect of an empty house.  I want him to soar, excel, explore, and enjoy!  But could he just do it without leaving?  The school was talking about all the trips to foreign countries they can take in high school and one other mother, apparently a kindred spirit, asked if parents could go, too.  The teacher looked at her with pity and said they recommended that not happen so the students could gain their independence.......  That teacher just had her first baby.  Let's see how she feels in 14 years!  


To all of you who are about to soar or are already there, please, please, call your mother!


February 20, 2015


Travel days are fun....at least to me!


I have always enjoy traveling, even to some place I've been many times before.  There are always new things to see and learn.  Best of all, a change of place and people!  Being mostly stuck inside for winter has its perks.  I love a warm fire, good movie, snuggly blanket, and my family close by. But as winter drags on, getting out seems like a really good idea, too.


Take a little trip this weekend.  Go to a nearby town, visit with friends or just explore some place new and preferably warm.  It will change your perspective and bring a smile to your face.  Or stay in and invite friends over to get away from their place and let them change the scenery in your own house.


Warm and wonderful.  That's a great theme for this wintry weekend.


February 19, 2015


Over the river and through the woods.......


Today I am so thankful that it is not Thanksgiving and still November, because I simple do not have what it takes to make it through much more winter.  All around us today, a snow day was declared, but our school did not.  That makes for a really crummy start to the day.  Teachers warning another snow day will make you have to go an extra day in June, means nothing now......  


Here's the part where I need to know that spring still exists.  My friends in the northeast are begging for any sign of spring and I understand. When we lived in Maine, we had snow up to our second story windows and it seemed so impossible!  So today my prayers and all the warmth I can spare are with those resilient people in the northeast.  I hope they have a warm hearth, some comfort food, and down coats.  


Isn't weather an amazing teacher?  



February 18, 2015


It's a good day to laugh......


We have a tabby cat and he's very friendly.  He loves attention and has no shame in getting it.  If he doesn't receive attention, he will ask for it and can be quite verbal.  He loves to get on my desk while I type and check out the screens.  On one of my screens, I have a life size picture of my son'as face and he's really fond of my son, so he goes over to it to get some attention.  (They are fond of touching noses.)  He tries to touch noses, but it's not the same somehow.  What's up with that?  He tries again, then begins to talk to my son.....  Softly at first, but it reaches quite the crescendo pretty quickly.  A cat only only has so much patience with people......


So while my son is away at school, he's being dressed down by the cat for ignoring him......  Hilarious!  He gives it a good shot, then huffs away in disgust.  When my son comes home, the cat shuns him.  After all, according to the cat, my son started the whole thing!  Reminds me of some lovers spats - the old 'he said, she said' thing......


Explanations, apologies, snuggles and treats are necessary to patch the whole thing up and tomorrow?  It will start all over again.  Because some things are just not explainable and we have to wait for time to work them out.......or frustration... or exhaustion!


Just smile and let life take it's course and have a great day!



February 17, 2015


Just chill on out of the month......


February is a great month to just catch your breath, regroup, and prepare for the rest of the year.  Four short weeks sandwiched in between winter and the promise of spring.  So breathe!


Some of my friends are purging, getting ready for spring to come, others just chilling, and enjoying their lives.  Taking it slow right about now is smart.  I hope you enjoy this laid back month and make the most of it.  Catch a flower show or just browse through some pictures of the blooms that are coming, it will lighten your step.  Pause and just be thankful for what you have and enjoy.


Rest up though, hectic is on the way!  But for now?  If you snooze, you don't loose.......


February 16, 2015


Are you all mellowed out from love this past weekend?


I hope so!  Isn't it fun to celebrate?  I hope you did a little or a lot, but that you were loved, felt loved, and loved in return.  I also hope you ate some chocolate, because I firmly believe it's one of the best perks of the holiday......


What did you learn about love this Valentine's Day?  Come on, I hope you learned something......  Big holidays like this are not a fluke, even if Hallmark did have a hand in exploiting them, they are carefully designed to teach us all lessons.  If you have someone special in your life, perhaps you need to address how you love them and if it is enough.  Do they know it?  Is it love that serves both of you?  And if you don't have love in your life, why not?  Are you holding back or is the universe?  Are you venturing out to meet someone or not so much?  Are you absolutely okay alone?  Do you want to be?


All good questions and even though you survived V-Day this year, please be advised another one is coming in, yes, less than a year......  So in your haste to make plans to have green hair for St. Patrick's Day, please pay attention to the lessons facing you now.  I wish you love abundantly!  More importantly, I wish you the ability to get it and keep it......


February 13, 2015


Here's wishing you love.....


Of all kinds:  family, spouse, friends, job, pets, neighbors, health, and life.....  May you know it and realize that you know it. May you never be without it and if by chance you are, may you rectify it right away.  It's not always easy to put yourself out there with love, but it is the most honest way.


Hey!  I know it's not as simple as that!  Otherwise, we wouldn't need a national day for us all to remember to love someone.  So let's take baby steps and endeavor to work a little harder at loving year-round.  This time next year, let's be people who don't need a holiday to remind us to love.


And this weekend?  Jump in head first and give it all the love you have!  Happy Valentine's Day!


February 12, 2015


I need romancing.......


After 26 years of marriage, you'd think I would be full up on romance, but truthfully, I need it more now than ever.  I need to know that he loves me romantically.  I know he bought new tires for my car and put on a load of wash this week, but I'm going to need a little more......  


I've long since gotten over having to tell my husband what I want.  I used to think he should be able to figure that out for himself, but I have days when I can't, so I let him off the hook.  Now I just plainly say, I need this......  And then hope he really hears me, because I don't say that often.  He does the same for me and I try to understand, figure out, and accommodate him.  Marriage is work.  It can even be a labor of love if you want to make the most of it.......


What is romance to you?  Is it a look, a hug, a word, a kindness, a compliment or a touch?  Does it make your breath quicken and your heart sing?  It should.  Figure it out and don't be afraid to spread the news to the person who can make it happen! That's a Valentine's Day present to yourself!


February 11, 2015


I love how you love me........


There's a song about that.  So do you love how people love you?  It's a fair question.  If you don't, then please change it.  This week at the Grammy's, Katy Perry sang a song about love called, "The Grace of God".  In it she took a hard look at love and "....the truth was like swallowing sand."  Often we wait around for love to change, be kinder, matter more, take less toll on us......  Maybe it was just a lesson in love.


A lesson in love means you needed that experience to come to a new understanding of yourself.  To learn more about love, before you make a bigger commitment.  A lesson does not mean you have to stay, and stay, and stay, until love no longer appeals to you or harms you.  Learn the lesson of it and move on.  Sadly, I talk to too many people who are trying to make love out of a lesson......


It's Wednesday, a good day to learn a lesson for the week.  Really get a look at the love around you and see if it is truly forever, or just a lesson in life.  Then please, make decisions accordingly.  And always know that if someone is being unkind or hurtful to you, it is never okay and more importantly, IT IS NOT LOVE!


Lesson learned?


February 10, 2015


So you think this is the love of your life.......


Plans change.  People change.  Life changes everyone.  If you don't believe it ask your mother or your father.  Ask them if their life turned out like they planned it.  Ask them if they had to regroup, start over or make a new plan.  Ask them how they did it, you will need to know.....


Love and change go hand in hand.  They live right next door to each other and when one happens, the other is not far behind.  Make no mistake, both are essential.  One more difficult than the other.


Be advised that the commitment to the love of your life will need to be reaffirmed and often.  As will the commitment they made to you. That's how it works, the fine print of love if you will.  No one ever reads it up front. 


Go ahead and sign the contract.  Real love is a good bet and addendums will become your forte.



February 9, 2015


This week it's all about love......


Who do you love?  Why do you love them?  Do they love you?  I hope you have answers to all the questions.


Most people pick a mate for 3 reasons.  Real reasons, not the obvious attraction things that got you together to start with.  A commitment to that person is much more purposeful:  He makes me feel safe and secure.  He really knows who I am and supports it.  He will make an excellent father. She brings out the funny side of me.  She makes smart decisions.  She will make a great mother.....


Of course there are other reasons.  If you don't know yours, you need to.  And if you don't know why someone chose you?  You need to. It's not the conversation you need to have over a romantic Valentine's Day dinner, but it needs to be soon.  And if they don't want to talk about their feelings? That's not a good answer!  People hide behind that, but feelings are a real and important part of life.  They will always be.


Vow to be smart about the love you choose and the love that chooses you.  This is the perfect week to start!



February 6, 2015


Down memory lane........


Is a slippery slope.  First of all, we need to remember we are not the same people, who were in memory lane years or even weeks ago. Memories can be really good for us and they can absolutely slay us.  Unless we are smart about remembering them.....


If you remember something you did wrong, please consider how old you were and what you knew.  Have you grown since then?  Did you learn from your mistakes?  Will you make them again?  If you are remembering how someone else did something bad to you, the same questions apply. Are they the same people?  Did they learn from their mistakes - do they know they made them?  What do you know about those people now that will keep you from being hurt again?


Good memories are salve to the soul.  They make you feel warm and wonderful.  They are a gift.  When you go down memory lane, and you will, try to balance the difficult memories with the good ones.  Do yourself a favor.  Learn from them and know everything happens for a reason.  


And when you are creating memories?  Remember they can last forever.



February 5, 2015


This one bears repeating.........


Dr. Phil McGraw said, "Sometimes you just got to give yourself what you wish someone else would give you."  Sounds simple but it is not.....just figure out what it is you are yearning for and get it for yourself.  It took me 20 plus years, but I figured out I was yearning for a sense of family beyond my immediate one, and I drove over 2000 miles to get it for myself.  And boy was it a smart move!


So many times, we push away or just ignore the things in our lives that matter most.  When those things go awry, we grieve, and why not? But in everything, there is a reason, lesson, and solution.  It might not be what we wanted to have or hear about, but there is one.  Maybe we just need to know our part in it is truly finished.  There is a measure of relief in that, too.


This past month, I have reached out to my clients who just needed to go get a solution for themselves and then applied it to myself. It's working and while it may not tie things up in a pretty bow, it is a move forward and that is what matters.  What drives me?  I know for sure the lessons will keep on coming until I figure them out.....  And I want them out of the way!  


Tackle what is tough for you, figure out what you need and go after it.  Move forward and be positive about it.  Take love as your sword and shield.




February 4, 2015


So my husband wanted to know when we could stop calling him a yankee.....


Please.  My husband is from Michigan, so if you are in Georgia, that's a no brainer.  But he wanted to know, since he married a southern girl for now almost 30 years, when would that yankee thing stop?  So my cousins wanted to know if he still ate tomatoes with his breakfast?  He can, but doesn't have to.  Does he eat turnips or collards?  No, but he eats sauerkraut.....  


He held his own until we got to grits.  Does he eat grits?  No.  Not even cheese grits?  No.  Not even with fried fish and hushpuppies?  Ummm no.

And it was unanimous, he's still a yankee!  They love him and they accept him as part of the family, but that grits thing is a deal breaker!  


He saved himself though, he brought up hogshead cheese and no one knows anyone who eats that!


February 3, 2015


So my cousin said........


She had to hire an interior decorator to be kind to herself.  She designed and renovated a building to make a unique and successful hotel.  But when it came time to decorate, she said, "I knew I would think it to death.  So I cut myself some slack and hired a decorator."  And with just those few words, I so saw myself. 


Ever think something to death?  Think it to the point that you never get it done at all?  Think it to the point that you are sure it won't work? Welcome to my world.  And the crazy part is the things I didn't manage to think to death, didn't work out as well as I now think they could have! And I believe this is the true definition of insanity!


There's a theory that if you think about it, you were supposed to and it serves a purpose.  If it happens often enough, it should probably see the light of day.....  It would take a bank full of money and a team of people to bring what goes through my mind to fruition.  So I have to sort it out somehow.  But if I do it with being kind to myself in mind..... that may make all the difference!  So here's to a bright new world of being kind to myself in a whole new way!  I hope it works......




February 2, 2015


When you get a true gift......


I got the gift of family this weekend.  I have the most remarkable cousins and they were full of hugs, wisdom, and laughter.  They are accomplished in so many ways, and are kind, wonderful people, who have made a positive difference in their respective lives and communities.  I am so proud of them I can barely contain it.  Proud, because I know what the journey looked like, because I am in awe of who they have become, but most of all, because they know how to love, and they have loved so well.  Those things really matter.  It was obvious meeting and watching their children and grandchildren, that they had gotten it right.  Please know the learning curve was a steep one.


The core group of us were raised by young idealists who were not certain in their own lives.  They were changing what they knew, and they got a whole lot of it right, along with making some mistakes.  The next generation of us rectified those mistakes, made some of our own, but forged ahead with love and wisdom.  Their children are so getting it right, while still trying to traverse a world that has changed dramatically in the last 50 years.  But they come from a foundation of love and it allows them to soar!


know love when I see it and I have these incredible people to thank.  I am blessed to know you and I love you all.




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